Should I keep this memory?

No one has heard this side of my story yet. A lot of different things in my life have taught me different things. But this one had not brought itself out till lately. It's not like it was on the priority list even for me till I kept encountering it. You might be waiting to know what this is. Asking the question, "Is it a family issue," "is it an insecurity?",... To be honest, when I tell you some of you might want to gag, burst out laughing and seeing it from someone else's perspective does make this thing look a lot sillier than it really is. It is a door. This door, for a whole lot of my life had grabbed the power to control how something would turn out. Would this door protect me? Would it stand and defend me? Would it thrash onto the floor and let me face life alone? It had a choice to make, but only according to who was standing on the other side of it!
You see, like me, it was powerless as well. It couldn't defend me or protect me or hide me from the world for a while as I took a moment to breathe.
It was a lifeless piece of plastic that had come to be a part of my life.
So today I ask the question, this door still stands, some adjustments made to it, but still stands, should I keep the memory of all that has happened, and what could potentially have been prevented, if I had a different door, a door with character and strength and power to protect me when I needed it most?
All I want to do sometimes is to hit and break this door for all the painful memories. But it had been brought to my life based on a financial and easier decision than custom making a door. But also because this door taught life lessons that other doors or things wouldn't have.
This door reminded me to be cautious, to not be naive, to be confident but humble, to stay in the presence of Jesus, to not alienate myself and to trust people one by one.
I think the pro's have a greater effect or me than the cons'. So should I keep the memory that makes me more powerful, authentic and reachable today or forget one that made me shake, cry and long for something more or different?
A lot of the times I have to write about a painful incident. I have to let out the words of frustration and hurt, to move past my indecisiveness. And this revelation just helps me rest in the decision that even when I am weak and am going through a hardship, then in fact, I am strong cause I am in Him.
It reminded me of Paul, this is what he wrote;


2 Corinthians 12:7-10


"To keep me from becoming conceited because of these surpassingly great revelations, there was given me a thorn in my flesh, a messenger of Satan, to torment me. Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong."


If my memory can be related to the thorn Paul had to live with and my victory allows me to boast in the One who stands taller and stronger than a door, should I keep the memory that will keep me humble, relatable and strong? 

Security in Familiarity...

I opened an old box of jewelry... stuff I promised myself I would never wear again!:)
But as I opened it... I smelled home.
Familiarity can do that. Your senses like smell, taste, even seeing something reminds you of a good time. Something that made you happy... like maybe your mum's hug or her smell or time with your mates or cousins. Times when you rode your tiny bicycle up and down the corridor of your apartment; Your first pet; Your first sleepover; Your first best friend; Your first barbie or your first action man (for the boys). Things that made you laugh or/and cry like your first crush, your classic April Fool's moment; tickle attacks.
And unfortunately sometimes things that hurt you once. Things that caused your heart to break; your life to feel empty; your body numb; and the sense of worthlessness and that you wouldn't bring happiness to anyone or love anyone or help anyone.
That was me a few years ago. My heart was broken. I felt so destroyed and so massively disappointed in myself. I felt I was a failure and would never accomplish anything.
As I looked into the box, I found a post-it note. It had someone's email and some random math. But on the back, in my hand writing it said, "You are Talented".
There was a period in my life when the devil knew he could say anything and I would believe it.
Those moments did hurt. But God spoke to me. In reassuring ways, He presented the truth to me. He told me who I was. And He reminded me through smell; through old post-it notes that He was still there. The One that brought life, love, security, freedom and much much more was still there and would always be there.
There is the concept that is taught of not letting familiarity cease you from worshipping. And sometimes you can get tired of that song they sing every day of the week for the next ten months in church. I find a lot of comfort in those songs that brought me to my knees in worship. Those lyrics that made me raise my hands in awe. That music that allowed my soul and my mind to join in unity with my spirit. I found my security in Him. It was the familiarity that allowed me to engage. His storm calming peace. His heart melting love. His concept of taking my burden. His words of truth that declare me righteous. His healing palm. His overflowing lap of love.
I have become familiar to that presence. To the healing presence of my Dad...
I could be, would be anyone and achieve anything there. I fit perfectly with Him.
Don't allow that familiarity to cease your worship. Instead let it flow more bountifully.

I wanna be here now...