Complete me Lord

It's nearly 2 pm and I am sitting in class. I am in class but not here. I am in class but not listening. I am in class thinking about how I keep coming back to this. I am in class, with my class, with my friends but I am alone.
This day has its own story. The story of how I couldn't stop crying in the shower. The story where no amount of make-up would cover how I felt.
I couldn't stop thinking and going back to the time when I took walks with my granddad. How I walked with him for hours visiting all his friends that were old and always remained old. Of how he woke me up at 8 AM for breakfast and told me when to go to sleep. Every time I visited him during the holidays he always gave me gift. Most of the time they were bibles or daily breads and sometimes cash. I now understand why he told me to search for intimacy with God. He understood and thus he told us kids. He loved beyond measure, he cared like no other I knew. He helped the poor like I knew no one could.
I loved him but I never told him. I mean I told him but I didn't tell him like I meant it. And I regret it. I regret not going back there during my holidays. I regret not having done the things I wanted to do for him.
When he left, the moment he left, I felt a space... a gap inside me. It was during the women's conference 2009 and I was serving. I continued serving cause I didn't recognize what this feeling was. In the evening as my dad called and left a voice mail, I heard God say he's come home. I heard Him say that clearly but gently. And I responded by saying that I'll be okay. I talked to my dad and later my mum and continued serving at conference. I wanted to ignore, so I did. But it got harder, the happier the women got, the more suffocated I got. A few days into the conference I broke, I cried and I mourned my loss. But it wasn't over cause it was hard. Over time I deliberately took time off college. slept in, went out with friends to help get over it and sort of move on. It wasn't till two weeks ago that I felt happy, truly happy, full of joy again. Then came the absence details... you have missed way too many classes and it is your incompetence. I apologize for the extra work college has because of me. But I don't apologize for how I felt. I don't know a better way of dealing with it and so I can only do it the way I know and understand.
It's nearly 2 pm and I am sitting in class. I am in class but not here. I am in class but not listening. I am in class thinking about how I keep coming back to this. I am in class, with my class, with my friends but I am alone.

I am alone cause a part of me is gone and I need God to fill that space. I need Him to complete me. This person behind the desk didn't ask me why I missed so many classes. She gave me her frustration and I guess it is sort of frustrating and I apologize for that but don't apologize for the way I felt and now have come back to feeling.

So to those that are hurting or have lost, forgive those people behind the desk or behind the wheel of the public transport or behind the register of the supermarket. It's one of the most significant characteristics of God. Forgiveness. Forgive when it really hurts, when you are on your knees and completely alone. Forgive and forgive till all the hurt is out of your system and you will forget what they said to you or how they made you feel. Forgive cause you know He forgave you.
Their comments should not define you, your circumstances shouldn't either. Your tomorrow lies in your today.
With love I leave you this quote I made recently...
"It takes courage to forgive, it takes humilty to change, it takes love to silence hate. It was never but now defines...all I am and I should be."